Remember how I told you some topics always scream a particular name to me? And loudly? Todays prompt from Mama Kat involves writing a letter to someone I miss greatly.
One name always comes to mind, and always will.
It still bothers me that the interruption of our lives together was forced. I'm still a tad
bitter sad that I haven't been able to talk to you face to face or feel your arms around me for 25 years.
I used to be really angry at you for going away, even though I know it wasn't your fault. I got tired of blaming JUST him, so I blamed you, too. After all, you did marry him. I was being hateful though. I just wanted the hurt to end, and in a warped way, I wanted everyone to hurt a little bit too. I just didn't think it was fair that I had to ache that way. Why me? Why not everyone else?
I consider now having what happened to you happen to me. To have my life cut short without my consent in an awful way and I shudder. I think that if that happened to me, my last agony-filled thoughts would be about my children and what would happen to them. I think the pain of knowing I wouldn't be raising them would be more painful than the physical onslaught.
The first 8 years of my life were the best of my childhood. I'm thankful I got to share them with you.
I wish more than anything that my children could share their childhoods' with you, too. I'm thankful that I've always felt your love, even when you were gone, and that my children somehow do too.
But I still miss you and wish you were here, too.
Love Always and Forever,