Blooming Late by Little Bites of Heaven

Go be that starving artist you’re afraid to be. Open up that journal and get poetic finally. Volunteer. Suck it up and travel. You were not born here to work and pay taxes. You were put here to be part of a vast organism to explore and create. Stop putting it off. The world has much more to offer than what’s on 15 televisions at TGI Fridays. Take pictures. Scare people. Shake up the scene. Be the change you want to see in the world. You’ll thank yourself for it. {Jason Mraz}
I love quotes. The one above is my latest discovery + in it, I find motivation + inspiration. It speaks volumes; encouraging me to continue on a journey that I began nearly 2 years ago.
It took me a long time to figure out who I wanted to become. It wasn't until I was pregnant with the triplets and had been admitted to the hospital for preterm labor that I even began to dig deep enough to actually discover myself. I had wasted so much time worried about who I thought I was supposed to be that by the time I had turned 30, I had only begun to scratch the surface of me. I was not completely out of touch with my inner voice; I just chose to ignore it and instead listen to something else.
I spent 8 weeks lying in a hospital bed, unable to get up to do anything other than go to the bathroom, so…I had a lot of time to think. I thought about my babies, worried that I wouldn't make it far enough in my pregnancy to ensure their survival; I thought about my daughter + husband, at home 45 minutes away; I thought about how uncomfortable + lonely I was; I thought about how those 3 little ones were worth all of that discomfort. And when the present became too exhausting to think about any longer, I thought about my life + my direction. It certainly was not that I was unhappy; but in a way, I did feel unfulfilled. Sort of like a ship afloat in the ocean with no sail or oars, no contact with the shore; just drifting along with nowhere to go, nowhere to be really. The thing that surprised me was that I used to be happy that way, living a life with no real direction. I suppose it is because I did not have to experience the downs of life, the heartache that comes with trying something new and reaching for a dream. Instead, I could laze about + rest happily on an even keel.
But I also unknowingly missed the ups of life + the joy that comes with trying something new and reaching for a dream. And as I was lying there in that hospital bed, I realized I wanted more; more from myself, more from life. It took me another 7 or 8 months before I was able to take the leap of faith and begin a new journey, my journey. Part of it was the family I had at home to care for, 3 premature infants + a pre-teen who loves sports kept me quite busy {and still do}. However… mostly, it was because I was finally ready to learn how to silence the voice that I had mistakenly listened to for so long. I chose to embrace the fear and get out there to finally do what I was afraid to do.
Photographs have always intrigued me; I admire the artistic creations + have a yearning to capture my own. Yet, despite my desire, I had no knowledge of how to accomplish that. So my first step on this journey was to buy a camera, read some books on photography + begin taking pictures. While I still have much to learn, today I am proud to feel comfortable enough with my work to call myself a photographer.
I find it ironic that it took something that immobilized me to get me mobilized, working towards creating goals for myself and then actually achieving them. It is a slow process, me in the works, but I am happy that instead of forgetting, I still am working on becoming who I want to be.
I may be a late bloomer, but it is better than not blooming. Rachael - Little Bites of Heaven