Monday, August 17, 2009


I've been thinking about friends frequently lately. As we've moved to a new location and my children are branching out and making new friends, I'm reminded of the friends that have paraded through my life.

I'm reminded of the things we did together, the things we had in common, the things I liked about them, the things I didn't. I recall when and how the friendships were long they lasted. Why they ended. If they ended. I ponder the healthy friendships and the not so healthy ones.

I've come to the conclusion that it has taken the span of my life of trial and error to find and appreciate and cherish my true friends. And that scares me a little bit as I watch my children embark on the friendship journey.

I've seen my children pick and chose their friends....or have their "friends" pick and chose them. I've loved some of their friends, and some, not so much. I've seen the gentle kindness shown by some of their friends, and have felt my heart swell as if that kindness was shown to me. I've seen my children hurt by friends and wanted to cry with them as they tried to work through the why's and how's. I've wanted to pull my hair out in frustration when they've persisted in going back for more. I've tried to help my children chose good friends, but there is only so much I can do.

I hate that. I want to spare them the heartache that inevitably comes when a friend doesn't turn out to be who we thought they were. But I can't.

I want to make sure that they are good friends to others. I wish that I could insure that they never hurt others, and that they had the maturity and foresight to steer clear of the unfair give and take that can exists in some "friendships".

Since I've had a hard time navigating this path on my own though, I'm not silly enough to think I can do this for my children.

I just WISH. I. COULD.

I guess I just have to learn from my experiences and hope that my children are much smarter than I've proven to be and that they align themselves with good people, like I now try to do.

I have some really exceptional friends, some in-person, and some I've never even met. Some astound me with their depth and generosity and spirituality and intelligence. Those are the friends I like to align myself with.

What about you? What character traits are most important to you in a friend?

{Some of you may find this familiar. That's because it was published first on Jennifer P's blog when I had the honor of guest posting for her a few weeks ago.}


Nicole said...

Very glad to read thi post again! :o)

Grand Pooba said...

Yes, I do remember this post! I know that we do have a real life friend in common, Heather, and she has taught me so much and I can be myself around her. That's what a true friend is, she loves me no in spite of my faults and makes me want to be a better person.

C H R I S T I said...

I agree. I think a friend that loves you for who you are is the most important thing. Someone that you can be yourself with even if "yourself" isn't doing well that day.

alessandra said...

You Know Angie
like you said is hard to find a good and true friend,but i think it should start with you and try to be a best and understanding and sharing friends you can be...So good luck !!!!I'm in the same situation with my kids..So You go girl!! As mom we can't put them in a bubBle but..we can be an example for them...

Laura said...

I don't know why but your blogfeed has not been updating on my bloglines and with life's craziness I didn't notice. Looks like a missed a lot.

Anyway, I haven't had a lot of bad friendships but I do find it rare to find someone you click with and totally relate. I think your one of those people for me. I wish we weren't so busy and so far away! Miss you!

Unknown said...

You know, Kaish is going thru this right now. We have 2 other little boys in our neighborhood that are going in 4th grade. Both of them come over all the time. One is so nice. Very kind. And the other one, well, he is POPULAR at school, and super cute, but kind of mean too. For example, he told Kaishon that he could only be his friend here in the neighborhood and never in school. He also told Kaishon to get rid of one of his school friends or he wouldn't even talk to him at school. Who does that. I think Kaish will make the right decision, but who knows. Scary stuff!

Kristina P. said...

I just had 8 of your posts pop up in my Reader! I hope you get the feed thing worked out!

Anonymous said...

It is hard to sit back and let my boys navigate friendship for themselves. So many potential pitfalls! So much emotion tied up in friendships!

I don't make friends easily. I guess the character traits I value in my friends include: Humour, openness, loyalty and that they like me. In order to be my friend, they have to like me. That's kinda key. :)

Happy Saturday Sharefest, yo!

Mark and Kiss said...

Angie! Love you friend, wish I were a better one! Miss our talks and life sharing....thanks for the reminder. I saw a bunch of Worcester people in Utah, very fun, I'll have to tell you about it!