Hooray

I just have to throw this out there.....I'm getting my eyes fixed on Thursday. I'm over the moon. So excited. I'm getting custom Lasik with wavefront technology which is supposed to be more precise than traditional Lasik, AND, I'm getting the bladeless kind. So, instead of the corneal incision being done with a blade, the incision is made with a laser. Hip Hip Hooray. Can't wait to see the new me!

She made my day.....

with 6 small words.
"thank you, mama"
"I love you"
when I covered her up this morning.

The simple gratitude of my slumbering child brought magic to my heart.

I've changed my title....

What do you think? I tried to make it more cohesive since my URL address is angiescircus. Somehow it seems to fall flat, or maybe just a little corny, but, I guess really, who cares?

It's 2 a.m. and I've been laying in bed for over 3 hours trying to sleep. I'm plagued with restless legs. Some say it's a real affliction, some say it's bunk. I don't know what is going on, maybe I have some rare form of hypochondriasm that manifested it's self tonight in my legs. ha ha. But seriously, I haven't experienced this since I was pregnant (don't even think it. I'm not)....with every pregnancy. With the twins it seemed particularly bad though. While I was in the hospital the babies heartrates were monitored 24/7. At around 9 to 11 p.m. the boys had a wake cycle and would go wild. Literally. You should have heard the noise coming from the machine and of course they were impossible to keep on the monitors continuously so the nurses were always in and out. Pulling, tugging, adding more gel, chafing my already rashed out stomach, making me want to scream. Then, as soon as the babies would settle down and it was time for me to settle down and go to sleep, I couldn't because of my legs. I wanted to go to sleep, needed to go to sleep but just couldn't. I would lay in my dark room and want to cry. With the touch of a button on my bed I'd turn on the lights, turn them off again, back and forth, back and forth. I wanted the day to be over and for it to be that much closer to my delivery date. I was lonely at night and missed my family and I just wanted to get up and walk...all the way home, but couldn't. My legs moving, moving as little as possible, but much more than necessary because I couldn't stop them. Trying not to move anything else because I didn't want mess up the monitors. Eventually my legs would calm down and I'd almost drift off to sleep. Then my back would start to ache and I'd have to pee for the 75th time. And I'd put on my glasses and look at the clock hoping it was almost morning. But it never was. And every 30 minutes I'd put my glasses back on and look at the clock and hope it was closer to morning than it really was. And then, eventually as with every day, the sun came out. And I'd get my 15 minute shower and it would be like stepping into a whole new world.

Writing this post has been therapeutic because I feel ready to sleep. Despite having really long nights, I still look back on the 10 weeks I was hospitalized with GOOD memories and I'd do it again in a heartbeat because my twinnies fill me up.

Sunday shots

So today I decided that I wanted to get a shot of the kids together....like this:
and then Grace wanted to get some shots like these:

this shot is so funny. I'm busy smiling for the camera while the twins are fighting and one is trying to bite the others head.

Please note the color of my bedroom. We just finished painting it Mississippi Mud and I LOVE IT!!!!! Like REALLY love it!

"Let's gang up on mom time"

Spent the day reading...

Yesterday my SIL called while I was putting the twins down for a nap and invited Grace, Emma and Garrett to go with them to a local mini amusement park. Actually, the twins and I were I were invited too, but the twin dogs need their nap. I've become almost obsessive about this. They take a really good nap after lunch and if they don't get it, they are NOT fun to be around. So, I declined and they picked up the 3 Musketeers and took them for the WHOLE day. I literally didn't know what to do with myself. I had all kinds of things that needed to be done, but instead I decided to do one of my favorite things......READ. The house was so quiet and the twins slept and slept and I got through most of "The Painted Veil" by W. Somerset Maugham. I love a romantic story and I guess I expected the book to be very similar to the movie. The first part about the affair is, but the parts in the movie that endeared it to me did not happen in the book at all! I think Maugham is a great writer and does a great job of character development, I think I just started the book expecting the movie and that's not what I got.

Here's a exerpt that moved me. (This is the character Waddington speaking to Kitty after Walters death).

"I wonder. I wonder if it matters that what they have aimed at is illusion [referring to eternal life]. Their lives are in themselves beautiful. I have an idea that the only thing which makes it possible to regard this world we live in without disgust is the beauty which now and then men create out of the chaos. The pictures they paint, the music they compose, the books they write, and the lives they lead. Of all these the richest in beauty is the beautiful life. That is the perfect work of art."

Although I believe that there are many ways that we can view this world without disgust and that there is eternal life, I love that without those beliefs it can come down to the simple idea that a beautiful life, IS the richest beauty. We don't have to be musically inclined, know how to write eloquently or paint like a master, we can lead a life of virtue and integrity and charity and be as fulfilled as that person who painted a masterpiece because a good life IS beautiful.

Conversations in my head..

Lately I've noticed I've thought of past conversations or situations that have had such an impact that they filter through my consciousness every now and then. I wonder if those thoughts affected the other person they way they effected me. One conversation in particular keeps running through my head. I said something to my dad that wasn't nice and at the time got about two seconds of satisfaction out of knowing that what I said was hurtful and seemingly got an emotional response out of him. I think about that time (it was terrible for me) and wonder if he even remembers? This is just an example of these stream of thoughts that have been going through my mind....what we say and do certainly effects us as well as those around us, but how do we know until it's too late which ones are monumental? And further more, ever wonder why something is monumental to one and not another? Hummm....

My Second Grader

Grace finished First Grade yesterday. I am so proud of her for doing so well. She read more than 100 books over the course of the school year and graduated from picture books to chapter books. She also improved her penmanship dramatically and has beautiful writing. She deserves this summer break, and I hope she enjoys every minute of it, even if we have nothing spectacular planned.

Crazy mama

So this is what I'll look like for the next 2 weeks. A little crazy with my broken glasses. I've been wanting Lasik corrective eye surgery for years, but I've always been pregnant or lactating. So, now that I am blissfully free of both, I am a candidate. John broke my glasses recently and I need new contacts so I decided that now is the best time to get the surgery. What I didn't know is that I can't wear contacts for 2 weeks prior to the surgery. So, I'm walking around with lopsided broken glasses and squinting and looking a little "off" since I'm not used to wearing glasses all day.

Because I love a....

MOHAWK, I've got three.
Yes, I do take the kids out in public like this, but the mohawks only last a day or two so we're not a total spectacle (more than usual that is) for long.

John, Garrett and Jacob
Garrett and John

Emma, Jacob, John and Garrett

And onto a totally unrelated subject. I just watched "The Painted Veil" for the second time. Not many movies make me cry. Definitely made it onto my favorites list.

Dad's

Tomorrow is Father's Day so I would be very remiss by not acknowledging the wonderful father that my children have. I am so blessed to have such a loving husband who absolutely ADORES his children and would do ANYTHING for them. He works really hard to give us nice things, and sacrifices all of his free time to work on the house or spend time with us. I am so grateful for him and his influence in our home.

And here's a shout out to my dad, whom I love very much. He taught me so many important things growing up, one of the most important being how to manage money or more to the point, how NOT to squander money. I was so blessed to have such an even tempered father. I don't remember him EVER raising his voice to me or ever hitting or spanking me. He also taught me to follow through with things and to be dependable.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

Creatures big and small....

Sometime around the 1st of March our frogs started croaking.....LOUDLY. So loudly in fact that I couldn't sleep for about 2 weeks. Then, sometime last month, the croaking stopped. I actually miss it. Here's the result. If I could market these tad poles, we might have a nice little side business!

We were eating lunch on Monday and I looked out the window and saw 2 deer in our backyard. I tried to get some pictures through the window. I didn't want to scare them off by going outside, but if you double click on the picture it'll enlarge and you can see the deer peeking through the ferns. We get wildlife in our backyard, but I've never seen deer before, so this was a real treat.

Music to my ears.....

Jeff said, "I'm beginning to think that I've taught the kids all their bad habits".

It's not exactly true, they have learned bad habits from other people too but it sounded good.

I definitely need to revise this. The second part was totally a joke. I was hoping that everyone would get the humor when they read that I didn't take ANY credit for bad habits. Jeff is a great husband and father and definitely deserves the highest praises. I don't know what I would do without him.

Buns, anyone?

I think this is hysterical. I'm a lucky mommy and Grace changed BOTH boys diapers for me. This is what they looked like when I saw them. Apparently, there IS an art to diapering.

I'm a big copycat

I have this friend that's an awesome blogger. I steal ideas from her occasionally, but this one (except for the answers) is almost entirely plagerized. I just like thinking about one word answers. It's harder than you might think, and like Heather said, "No elaboration. No explanation." Here I go:

Yourself: pleaser or determinded or dependable or lovely (ha ha)
Your Partner: sensitive
Your Hair: radiant (LOL)
Your Mother: loving
Your Father: dependable
Your Dream Last Night: dream?
Your Favorite Drink: water
Your Dream Car: Mercedes
Dream Home: Craftsman
The Room You Are In: bedroom
Your Fear: death
Where You Want to be in Ten Years: 40-and-fabulous
Who You Hung Out With Last Night: family
You're Not: spontaneous
The Last Thing You Did: blinked
You Are Wearing: pajamas
Your Favorite Weather: warmish
Your Favorite Book: fiction
Last Thing You Ate: cookie
Your Life: fulfilling
Your Mood: good
Your Car: family-sized
What Are You Doing At The Moment: typing
Relationship Status: eternal

I guess I couldn't quite do it. I know that 40-and-fabulous is a stretch but I absolutely couldn't come up with one word. And the first one. I don't think there is just one word. Especially with no elaboration. If it said "Where you'd like to be at 90" it'd be easy. That one would be "dead".

From the mouths and fists of my babes...

The other day I put the movie "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" on for my kids while we were in the car. They asked me what movie I'd selected and I told them it was a surprise. This is what I heard when they figured it out:
Emma, "Garrett, it's Kitty, Kitty, Bang, Bang".
a few minutes later,
Garrett, "Emma, look! It's shitty, shitty, bang, bang". (The funny thing about this is that Garrett doesn't even know what this word is since we use a different word at our house).

Garrett loves bathroom humor about as much as I do. I know, I know, I'm a freak, but bodily function stories double me over. Jeff has this sketch on the computer where a "lady" calls in to the car dealership that serviced her car and claims something was left on her backseat. Seriously sends me over the edge everytime. But, I regress. Back to Garrett's toilet humor, sorry about giving too much information, but I have to to tell you his little game. When he takes care of business he calls me to wipe him, saying, "mom! I'm DONE". Then after hearing this yelled a few times I yell back (I usually have to because I'm not near the room), "where are you?" (meaning which bathroom) Then, if he's upstairs he'll say, "I'm downstairs" or if he's downstairs he'll say, "I'm upstairs". Then, when I go in and act shocked that I was duped, he cracks up. And here's a another digression. We have an intercom system in our house. Never use it. But, it sure would be handy to use when this happens. I could intercom in telling him to wait for me since I'm usually doing something when nature calls for him.

Moving on....we were doing some yard work the other day and Garrett found a really nice fat worm. He yelled to me, "mom! I found a big arse worm!" (he still can't regulate his voice) Then he said, "that's not a bad word". So funny.

Lastly, the twins are really starting to get feisty. Yesterday John had a bottle on his tray while he was eating his dinner. Jacob wanted it so he was jabbering and using body language to tell John he wanted the bottle. I said, "John, give Jacob your bottle". John picks up his bottle, extends it to Jacob and just as Jacob's fingers touch the bottle to take it, John snatches it back and pretends to drink it. This goes on THREE times, then Jacob looses it. Starts crying and covering his face with his hands. THEN, John gives Jacob the bottle. But, as soon as Jacob calms down, he takes it back. It cracks me up that they already know how to tease each other, but it also amazes me that they know how to comfort and appease each other as well.

Over the past few months Garrett has found out how much pleasure it can give him to tease the twins and not get caught. Garrett, here's a news flash. They are not going to put up with it much longer. Yesterday Garrett was teasing Jacob by taking away his toy. Jacob finally lost it and attacked. I was dying. First he made this screaming sound at Garrett his body shaking with frustration at the same time, and then he lunged. They were both sitting down facing each other at the time, and Garrett beat a hasty retreat backwards. Good thing he did too, because I think Jacob was ready to take a chomp out of him if he could just reach him, and that chomp almost fell on private boy parts. Ouch! When Jacob finally did reach him he started pummeling him on the back. Now that's a frustrated baby! Let's see if Garrett learned his lesson.

We're 1 1/2 years old!

It's been almost two years since I saw two little heads on the Ultra Sound Machine and heard the news that would rock our world. We made it through a precarious monoamniotic pregnancy and premature birth and here we are 18 months after their birth shaking our heads wondering where the time went. Those 2 1/2 months I spent in the hospital or the past year or more? Gone in the blink of an eye.



A few hours before their birth at 33 weeks gestation.

Daddy holding Jacob and John. We were so excited to be able to hold our little peanuts before they were whisked off to the NICU. If you look closely, you can see how pale Jacob is (left) compared to John (right). They thought they might have started TTTS.

John (Baby B)

4 lbs. 4 oz.

John: 24 lbs. even=25th%

31 inches=25th%

19 inches head circumference= 60th%

Jacob (Baby A)

4 lbs. 5 oz.

Jacob: 24 lbs. 4 oz.=25th%

32 inches long=almost 50th%

19 inches head circumference= 60th%

Oh, and thanks to Leslie for outfitting the boys in swim suits and matching board tops for the summer.

Jacob left, John right

John left, Jacob right

Jacob and John

Jacob and John

These are some of the things the boys can do:

*put their legs and arms in clothing thus helping to get dressed.

*obey simple commands like "go get your shoes", or "go give this to Grace".

*learning about feelings. If the other cries they will try to comfort each other.

*beginning to learn to share!

*feed themselves with a fork (however, they're not ready to give up their bottles).

*John is the master of making sounds and words. He has about a 20 word vocabulary, but to hear him "talk", you'd think he has his own language

*Jacob is the master of expression. He makes the funniest faces. Jeff can say, "Tiki, are you mad at me?" and he makes this mad face. It kills me every time.

*And my favorite: if I ask the boys if they are poopy they tell me the truth; either looking at me blankly or saying, "unhuh" and touching their diaper.

*Jacob thinks he can jump. He picks one foot up and stomps it as he swivels around. Hilarious.

*Both boys have 10 teeth each.

*Jacob like to eat most foods. John likes to eat cookies and ice cream but likes to snub his nose at anything else.

*run and climb and get into all manner of mischief.

*did I mention that they are the best huggers and kissers? And do it willingly on demand.

Getting out the door

Sunday. My Sunday alone with the kids. No water. It's turned off at the meter. The leak somewhere between the house and the water meter had to happen on a holiday weekend. No plumber until Tuesday. I'm proud of myself. We're all dressed and ready to go!

John, me, Emma and Jacob. So apropos. Everyone looking a different direction...can't say this one wasn't candid!

John and me. Thought to self. "This is the the last picture and it better be good!"

Is Emma's look priceless, or what?

Jeff works every other Sunday. That means every other Sunday I have no help getting all the kids to church. This is a glimpse of what we look like trying to get out the door on one of those Sundays when Jeff is working. First of all, our church starts at 2 pm. That means I have to wake the twins up from their nap and feed them before we leave. While I was feeding the twins, Grace was busy snapping pictures, and Emma and Garrett were clowning around asking the question Grace taught them. "Are we going to be late?" In case you're wondering, YES! we were late. But usually we're not.

I remember

Memorial Day. A day to remember. Here's to a few of those who have touched my life but aren't here to tell them.

My mom: I remember her reading me "The Old Hags Long Leather Bag" over and over again on the floor of my grandma's walk in closet which was my absolute favorite place to nap.

My Grandma Williams: I remember the excitement and anticipation I felt everytime a letter came for me in the mail. She was the best pen pal ever.

My Grandpa Williams: I remember going to the swap meet with him when he was blind and helping him buy a pair of paint splattered sunglasses. We got home and he told my grandma solemnly, "I had an accident". I guess you'd have to have been there, but I'll never forget the picture of my tall, skinny grandpa with his red tipped white cane wearing sunglasses that he didn't need that were paint splattered and enjoying the joke.

My great-grandma Funk: I remember spending the night at her house on the twin bed next to hers. Staying up late watching the news, playing with her amazing rocks and waking up to a delicious breakfast.

Jeff's grandma Doris: I remember when she taught me how to make freezer jam, how to make a pillow case, and the way she laughed.

My dogs Bear and Itsy: I remember Bear putting his neck over my face and smelling his smell which I loved. I remember Itsy's sweet face and personality and the way that she got up each morning and lived as full a life as she could despite her neurological problems.

My Legacy

A friend challenged me to think about the Legacy I'll leave behind.

This is a hard one. First of all, I feel far too young to have a legacy, plus, in my own mind I haven't done anything remarkable. But, maybe someone else will think I have.

News stations actually do obits on celebrites or important political figures or just someone that has done something remarkable like winning the Nobel Peace Prize before they are dead hoping that they have footage and a leg up on the competetion when they actually do die. For example, NBC had Rose Kennedy's obit done FIFTEEN years before she actually passed away and it was updated periodically. Some random person had the responsibility of digging through archives, newpaper clippings, sound and media clips and photographs and putting together the legacy that the public will see. I shudder to think what my obituary would play like if some random person was responsible for putting it together. They could never know the emotions and feeling that I've put into the things that are important to me. If a sensationalist wrote my obit it would probably read something like this:

Born on April Fool's day in a snow storm on the side of the road and delivered by her father. Lost her mother to a violent death almost to the day she was born 8 years later. Married, graduated from college, and went on to have 5 children, 2 of which were a rare form of twins. I don't want to think of anything else sensational to end this one.

I think the one that someone who loved me would write would read something like this:
Made her way into the world with black eyes after her roadside delivery by her father. Was heartbroken when her mother died when she was young. Married her high school sweet heart, graduated from college and raised 5 children in a loving and organized home. Spent two and a half months in the hospital before delivering self coined miracle twins. Enjoyed volunteer work and serving in her church. (NOW here is my insert of goals and things I hope to achieve). Earned her Master's degree in Archaeology after her children went to school, travelled extensively with her family and was a loving and devoted wife.

Looks like I have some goals to keep!

I hope that my legacy also contains some of the things that my grandma and mothers do. Hard working, caring, devoted and always trying to be a better person spiritually, mentally, and intellectually. I have work to do in the physically department, but if I can take cues from my grandma then maybe one day I'll be in excellent physical condition!

And the funnest room in the house is.......

Jacob and John have found their new favorite spot in the house. The office. They can't get enough of it. It has the magnetic pull of a toilet. Anyone with toddlers knows what I'm talking about. I think they used to dream about all the things they could put in the toilet and planned ways to slip into the bathroom undetected. Now I'm convinced they wake up thinking of all the havoc they can wreak on the computer, and are just waiting for the right moment to push everything from the desk. New note to self. Keep the office door shut.
John with phone, Jacob pushing things off the desk, Garrett supervising.

This picture really illustrates the differences in the boys personalities. Jacob will stop whatever he's doing to smile and make a silly face, even though he knows he's doing what he's not supposed to. John on the other hand won't look at me and continues with his trouble making. He wants to get as much fun in as possible before being removed.

Jacob can multi task. Type on the computer, talk on the phone, and balance on the chair.

Leave me alone. I'm busy.