I can't remember the last time I had a really, really good cry.
I can't figure out if this is a sign of maturity, or of insensitivity.
I laugh daily. I do. But it's usually not a laugh-until-you-can't-breathe-laugh.
I get teary eyed a lot. Things touch me, but I don't cry.
The last time that I can remember laughing really, really hard? 7 years ago. 7 years.
I was hugely pregnant with Emma when I attended a lecture. I was front and center. The speaker kept making eye contact with me. It was obvious I was her focal point. I have to admit, it made me slightly uncomfortable because I felt pressure to be on my best behavior and pay close attention to her prepared talk.
And then I looked down and noticed that the woman sitting next to me was wearing mis matched shoes. They were the same style, but one was navy blue and the other one was black. I found this hugely entertaining. But every time I tried to suppress my glee I'd notice out of the corner of my eye my stomach just shaking. Shaking. This huge mass was quivering. And I lost it. I tried to control it. But I couldn't. The lecturer noticed and gave me the evil eye. Which made it worse. I finally had to leave the room, which was a spectacle in itself. And I continued to laugh for about a half an hour. I remember feeling like my body ached afterwards. But it was good for me.
I'm pretty sure that I was much more immature then. But was it immaturity that made me laugh so hard? Or have I boxed myself up so that I don't find the humor in situations that are funny?
I'm not sure. But I'm going to find out. Mission laughter is my goal. Laugh-until-it-feels-like-my-gut-is-going-to-burst laughter. I'll let you know how I fare.
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